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I don't dignify the bully with anykind of response- instead, I just keep walking, telling myself that theirinsults can't hurt me... Even though deep down inside, I know that's nottrue.Six weeks have passed since Megan's birthday party, since I told Melissa,Lydia and her gang where they could shove their fake 'friendship'. Justover five weeks have passed since Melissa announced her 'bounty' on me-and subsequently got suspended from school and expelled from ballet as aresult. At no point during those five and a bit weeks has it ever been asbad as it was on that first Monday, and- thank god- at no point hasBryony faced any bullying of her own. But just because it hasn't been ASbad, it doesn't mean that it hasn't been bad.Everywhere I go, the whispers and giggles follow me, just as they didwhen I first came out two and a half years ago. Only this time, I knowfor a fact that the bullying is done out of malice. They've had two yearsto get used to the idea of me wearing a skirt. Every day. A little jealousy goes a very long way. Just enough to make you hard, ready and eager to replace whatever thoughts I’m having with thoughts of you. Not enough to force me to fuck a stranger in a public restroom just because you couldn’t be there with me.As a self-proclaimed mistress, I forced myself to deal with this feeling. At first, I decided to be open with you and fully admit when you made me jealous. I remember the soul-crushing night that you deadass stopped talking to me, mid-conversation, because she was outside your door. That night will torment me forever. All the possibilities of what could have happened. Never was my jealousy more than that moment, or any moment I remember it still. It was a pain that left a tiny scar that I could have avoided. However, that night also forced me to address my own jealous feelings and find a way to cope.My current coping mechanism is to embrace it fully. Yes, I get jealous. No that feeling won’t go away. But I will use it to my own.
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